Untitled Tears

I fell asleep listening to Opus 20 by Dustin O’Halloran last night. I say fell asleep. I purposely listened to it on repeat, and I cried until my tears, once loaded of pain, dried into nothingness. And then I slept for the first time, for as long as I can remember, through the night. It may have only been for a few hours. But when I woke up, I had the song resonating through my head.

In response to a message asking how I was, that was my reply. I told her what I have just written down. And her response? “Really? I just had to turn it off half-way through”. It’s funny how music has different, sometimes opposite, effects on people. But then again, it’s been a rather emotional week and I cried during LalaLand and Lion. Tears aren’t hard to come by these days.

This year has so far been about forecasts and none of them have been about the weather. Work has suddenly shifted into being a priority for me. And I as much it hurts to remember his words, that is a lesson that I have taken away from all of this. Some wise person once told me that “work has to be your priority. When you spend five days of your week committing your life to something, it has to be something you love otherwise, how will you enjoy the rest of it.”

And so in the past few weeks, I have fallen in love with my work. And therefore, I have fallen in love with my current life. No matter how it has changed. I have been forecasting our plan for the year, I have found myself being this person I never thought I could be. I wake up wanting to learn more, to work harder, to take something away, to be around people, to just… be.

When I googled the song “Opus 20”, the YouTube link took me to an advert of a film called Breathe In. Funny, that is precisely what I did at the exact first moment I listened to it. And for now, I just feel that little bit more alive. I feel a little bit more like me again.



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